Complete and Total BARF-O-RAMA

No one talks about the gross, germ-infested, feces and vomit collage that is being a parent of a sick child. No one mentions the moments when you are up close and personal with your kids’ diarrhea or vomit when you are registering for baby shower gifts. It would definitely make you think twice about the whole thing – or at least make you register for twice as many crib sheets.

When your babies are newborns, you expect the spit ups, the runny poop diapers, even the pee stream in your face for those with boys. What catches you unaware is when the kid gets older – around pre-k/kindergarten age. Now we are talking adult-consistency and quantity of vomit but still not enough awareness, lead time and speed to an appropriate receptacle for said vomit. Case in point:

Here I was, I had actually taken the time to prepare a nice meal for my family. I got out the nice plates and even used chargers for goodness sakes – on a random Tuesday night! We even ate in the dinning room! I had a feeling with all this extra effort some other shoe would drop – that I was setting myself up for something to go array…

Halfway through the meal my youngest – age 4 at the time – gives me this pale look and I just know something is about to go down… or up, out and all over as the case may be.

Right as I am saying “Are you ok?” I hear the pre-barf alarm burp noises and thrust my open palms under my kids mouth, just as he barfs all over and in them. My then 8 year old yells “OH MY GOD!” and begins simulating barfing noises himself.

I quickly instruct my husband to grab the barf pot (every household should have a designated large bowl or bucket for such things) and for him to MOVE HIS ASS to get it.

As barf is running between my fingers, my sweet 4 year old says, “Mom, can I be excused?”

At least he’s got good manners…

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