If you are a normal person, you have gotten supremely frustrated with your offspring at some (or many) points during parenthood. It happens… for some of us very frequently.
Sometimes it’s not so much that your kids have done anything horribly wrong…
Sometimes their very presence and existence can annoy the shit out of you (especially if you are a stay-at-home mom and may not have a lot of time to yourself.)
Instead of verbally abusing your child or having them feel you are annoyed with them and if they are unwilling to go to their room for some “quiet time” ( which, let’s face it, is code for “Will you please get the f*!K out of my face for a few frickin’ minutes?”)… There is a simple solution.
Just tell them you have to go to the bathroom *
For those whose kids are at an age where they will not endanger themselves or your stuff… or when your significant other is around and they need another reason to step up and “lean in” to parenting – saying you need to go to the bathroom is a neutral, acceptable action (see: Everybody Poops childrens’ book)
We recommend you parent-pimp out your newly-acquired sanctuary with a survival spa kit. This can include an aromatherapy candle and matches, some chocolates and/or for those of you over-achievers – a minibar!
Also good to have on hand – some super expensive plush towels (that you know will only be destroyed by grubby, germy hands if you let them be used by the general population) for only you to use… to scream into.
Your kids won’t think you needed to get the hell away from them which could lead to costly therapy later on down the road.
You’ll avoid getting super pissed off, lashing out, then feeling guilty for having a normal emotional response.
And just as important – you’ll get a much deserved break and mini-pampering session which will allow you to resume being a kick-ass, in control, loving parent.
So go stock your survival sanctuary and use it wisely!
*Now we know this solution isn’t really available to those of you in the trenches with toddlers. During that phase they are too mobile and have too low of an amount of self-control to have free reign of the house in your absence. That would be like leaving your supremely drunk friend alone at a frat party – not safe.