Kids Say the Darndest Fucking Things

At what age does kids’ swearing go from “Isn’t that darling and hilarious?” to “Don’t play with that kid, he obviously is headed for juvie!”


An example of a funny moment?

My then 3 year old is sitting in the front seat of the vintage ’82 suburban, complete with bench seats and no car seat (but luckily this is in rural WA state so no big deal – rules are different there).  He’s ready to go for the short ride to the dump with Grandpa – a true highlight of the day.  (Yep – it’s so rural there is no garbage service and the trip to the dump IS a highlight, people!)

My dad has his two large dogs in the back, along with the bags of trash, and these dogs are crazed with excitement for the journey.  They are whining, thrashing, jumping, barking – you name it.  Complete crazy-ass dog behavior.

The 3 year old looks back at them, then proceeds to tell my dad – or maybe it was a rhetorical statement – either way, he looks back at the dogs and says with an annoyed expression, “Will someone shut those fucking dogs up?”


My dad was thinking the same thing, he told me later, but was so shocked to have his thoughts spill out of the 3 year old grandson’s mouth.

I thought the whole thing was fucking hilarious!  But that’s just me.  I’m sure there are moms out there that are horrified… but they are probably not reading this so it’s cool.


I’m certainly not a proper person and my kids have heard me swear… daily.  This is not something I’m especially proud of, but I am aware of.  I’m also aware that they’ve learned their swear words from me.  Again, not proud, but at least they DO listen to some of the shit I say.

I count that as a minor victory.

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